When my first daughter was turning 1 years old I had just had my 12 week scan for my second! I was going to be joining to 2 under 2 club. It was rather an odd feeling to have a baby and another on the way. However, I already had the equipment, clothes and toys so why not just continue the baby phase! My girls are now 5 and 7, and sometimes I look back and can’t believe where that time has gone. One of the key things with having a second closely after your first, is getting organised ahead of time.
The first thing I did was consider the support I needed and wanted. Grandparents were not too close to us, so I found a nanny who could help me a couple hours a week for example a for a few hours on an afternoon. I did this while I was pregnant. The nanny spent some time with my eldest before my second was born, so she could get used to her. It is helpful to get any big changes done before the sibling comes along, so it isn’t too much in one go! I also planned some support from husband for the first few weeks followed by a grandparent and the nanny in the weeks after that.
Next, I considered preparing some meals ahead of time, I bought a few ready meals to store in the freezer for my first daughter and we tried doing some batch cooking. I invested in a good sling, I hadn’t really used one with my first, but I felt that it would be useful for being hands free with my toddler. I read my toddler some books on babies, siblings and having a new sister and sometimes talked about there being a baby in my tummy. I think it is hard for a child of 15-18 months to really understand what this means until the baby comes along. Perhaps a 2 year old and above, may be able to understand slightly more, so it is worth using books and social stories.
Nothing prepares you for the guilt you suddenly feel when bring the new baby home. I will never forget putting my eldest for a nap, and she literally turned her back on me crying. It was as if she felt the raw emotion in that moment, that I was now someone else’s mummy too! It doesn’t last, so when you read this, remember the guilt does fade within a week or two. Having support around you will help, as your toddler will be able to get attention when yours is obviously going to be with the baby. Do not worry about the fact that you can’t do all the same things when it was just the two of you, you are going to have an even better time altogether – I promise you that!
Trying to get into a good daily routine is most helpful for the 2 under 2 or toddler and baby phase. The morning could be a good time to get some fresh air and daylight (good for you, baby and toddler). Perhaps baby will nap when you can do a morning activity with your eldest. Protecting the middle part of the day for naps, quiet time and downtime for you is what I think an absolute must. This will then translate as they grow older, and means you always know you have this time to get things done you need to, and everyone can recharge their batteries before any afternoon play or activity.
If you toddler is struggling to nap, remember at this age they may not need to nap every day. Put together a box of quiet time toys, or activities for this time. Or it is ok to use the screen or TV for an hour, for your sanity!!! You will probably find, that your child won’t keep asking for TV or screens all day, if they know this time each day is set aside for this . We all need downtime.
Getting a couple of bouncers around the house, maybe one in the toddler’s room will help you have somewhere to put the baby down. There will be days when they both need you, but they will be ok if you can’t attend to one of them right away. Remember, this time won’t last for long and it is a precious time, be kind to yourself and only do what you feel comfortable with.
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